My school is on vacation until May 1st for spring break. Just to remind my readers (Mr. Grady suggested I remind people of past entries because people forget), my school is on a trimester calender which means we go to school for three months and then have three weeks off, except in the summer when we have 4 weeks off in August. It is different then most schools, but I like it. I didn't have a very good trimester at school though and had to turn in a couple projects late and got only a satisfactory grade in Math. My parents were very upset at me for getting average marks and everyone thinks it is because I spend too much time with Gretchen and not enough time studying. My school likes to say that you can turn any type of learning into a project for credit and we are always told to "explore your curiosity". I told Dad that I am curious about girls, especially Gretchen, and I said that I should get credit for learning how to be a boyfriend. Mom said that I probably could get credit in English if I would write about my experiences more like she had told me before. I guess she is right and I already get credit for my writing journal which sometimes becomes part of my blog. I guess that I am afraid that I can't write about everything because people will think that I am strange because of what I think about. I also tell some people about my blog and I don't want people to get upset if I write something embarrassing or private about them. I don't want people to know that sometimes I am unhappy about myself and feel depressed, especially since I found out Gretchen is probably going to leave in June. I am so confused about what "love" is and how to decide how to love or what to love or when to love. I also sometimes just feel sad for no reason and sometimes angry and I just want to know why really liking someone can make you feel so good, but also really sad and frightened. I said all of this to Mom and Dad really fast and I think they wondered where this was being kept all this time. I said that even though I write a lot, I don't write about things that really bother me because I guess I would rather tell stories or write about things that I can find answers to on the computer or in the dictionary. When I looked up "love" or "sadness", the definitions didn't really help me feel better. Mom said that maybe I could go talk to a counselor and I said ok, but I want to talk to someone like Cousin Bruce. "A yoga instructor?" Dad said. "No, someone younger than you guys" I said back, which maybe made sense to Mom, but Dad said "Older people have more experience and they were young once too". Gretchen kind of laughed when I told her that I was going to a "shrink" as Grandpa calls it, but I said that it is because I am crazy for her and sad that she is leaving. She stopped laughing after I said the part about being sad and she started to cry. I had never her seen her cry before like that and all I could do is hold her and tell her how wonderful and beautiful she is and that everything is going to be alright, even though I need to go to a counselor to have them probably tell me the same thing.

Last night, Grandpa Jem brought me an old shoebox full of old love letters between he and Grandma when they started dating. Grandpa said that the hardest part of growing up is learning how to handle "feelings of amore" as he called it, which means love. He said that I should never be "afraid of love" or embarrassed about my feelings even though they might not always be returned. But when you meet someone who loves you as much as you love them, you should never be afraid to express the way you feel" Grandpa said. "Read these letters and let it inspire you to write love letters to your sweetest", he said "Write, boy, write!" He then said to write my feelings onto paper, that way she will always save it and it becomes a "concrete declaration of your love for her".
Here is a letter from Grandpa to Grandma...

"My Dearest Lucy,
This past five weeks have been overwhelming, but miraculous. You have restored my faith in love and magic and I truly believe it is fate that has brought us together. You may think you don't deserve me as I think that I don't deserve you, but we are both wrong. It is this brutal, pitiless world that doesn't deserve us. We are two honest people who won't accept a magic-less existence for the sake of stability and certainty. We both left those worlds behind to follow our hearts, our dreams and to bask in a warmer light and we have found each other.
It has been a lonely journey. Often, I have felt like the North Star, solitary in the sky and without hope. You have been the comet that has appeared to warm my cold heart. I revolve around you as you revolve around me; two bodies caught in the pull of the other, together warming and making each stronger. It is harmony, my love, the balance that exists between us as we are so keenly aware of the prescence of the other. Knowing when to listen gracefully or when to crash into one another to enjoy the essence of our intimate passions is second nature. There is a purpose now in my journey, a purpose materialized by the light of your soul, a light brighter and warmer than a thousand stars.
No matter where we go from here, you have erased my doubts and rekindled my dreams. Thank you.
Love, Jem"