From July 20, 2005:

Howdy!
Welcome to the "Stories from Lazy Eye Ranch" blog site. This site is devoted to ancestral and anecdotal stories of the Bigsky family as told by Jem Bigsky III. The Bigsky family lives and works in California and has, ever since Jerry Buckheister moved there in 1948 and became the legendary silverscreen singing cowboy, Jem Bigsky.
The stories are collected and retold to you by one imaginative and inquisitive 12 year-old boy, who is fondly referred to by his loved ones as, "The Boy", especially by his father, Jem Bigsky II. Look for his weekly entries here as well as the occasional photo of the family.

Happy Valentines day! (a couple of days late) Well, it was a great one for me overall, even though things were a little strange at first with Gretchen. Luckily, Cousin Bruce told me to get flowers and to forget the chocolate since she doesn't really like it anyways. He also talked me through how to go about kissing her since I had never kissed a girl before. Just talking about it with Cousin Bruce made me really nervous, but he said that most likely it will be her first kiss also and that she'll be scared too. I sort of figured on that, but he said that it doesn't have to be perfect, but it just has too last longer than one second. He said to just pucker up and "plant" it on her so that my lips fit over one of hers and hers fits over one of my lips so that they lock together. Then I should hold it there, without pinching her lip, for at least three seconds and if she likes it and doesn't want you to stop then move my lips over the other lip to change lip position. Now, this was sounding a little complicated and I was nervous but he said "forget that last part" and that as long as I make it through three seconds then I have had my first kiss. Cousin Bruce then said that we would both figure it out from there. "Just go with the flow Cuz" said Bruce. "I may be from California" I said "but it doesn't mean I know how to do that". He said that everything will be alright and that I will remember this for the rest of my life. "I hope I remember it as a good memory" I said and Cousin Bruce just laughed. "You will. I am sure of it."

So, Dad dropped Gretchen and I off in town and we first ate lunch at a pizza restaurant called "Romeos", which only put more pressure on me. Gretchen was really happy about the flowers and she carried them with her all day. I think that the flowers became something good for her to hide behind when things seemed a little awkward, but either way they became a cushion for some of our nervousness. This was strange because we have hung out lots of times and have only felt this way the first time we went to the movies together months ago. But I guess things have been different since that one day at my house when she put her hand on my arm; as if there was some strange pressure on us to kiss or something. I think she feels it too because she has acted more scared around me since then and I don't know how to make it go away so that things can be like they were before. I mentioned this to Dad and he said that it was good that I talked to Cousin Bruce, but that I can always come and talk to him also. Dad said that when people get to be a teenager that things change and the way they feel about girls changes. Sometimes it seems to "happen over night" he said and I imagined a type of fairy, like the Tooth Fairy only different, coming down sprinkling dust on my brain making me more nervous around girls that are pretty. I also get other strange things happening, but I don't want to mention that right now. I guess the fairy also visits girls and makes them feel the same way around boys that they like. Maybe the fairy is what puberty really is or maybe there is no fairy at all. Dad also said that Valentines day always makes things different between boys and girls and that I don't have to do anything I don't want to. I said that I am curious about it and want to know what it is like and he said that "that's ok too, but don't tell her you are going to kiss her before you kiss her." "Why?" I said and he said because it will only make it more awkward and less romantic. "What does that mean?" I said and he said that romance is what makes people like each other more. "But what is it?" I said again and Dad just said "look it up in the dictionary". So I did and "romance" means...oh I guess that can wait... back to Valentines Day. So, after lunch which was really good, we walked down to the movie theater to go see "The Chronicles of Narnia" and along the way I had this urge to hold her hand, but I was scared so I didn't and it was ok because Gretchen had a death grip on the flowers with both hands and I would've had to pry one away and it didn't seem right. So, we went inside the theater and sat down further towards the back than usual, I am not sure why, and I decided to talk about something beside movies and books with her, which is what we usually talk about. So, I asked her if she ever received flowers on Valentines Day before and she said that last year in New Mexico, a boy named Ethan gave her flowers that "he picked from his front yard" and gave them to her. Hearing this made me feel like I wasn't very special anymore and even though I bought flowers that maybe she didn't feel the same feeling I did about my first real Valentines Day. Then I had an even worse thought that maybe she had already gotten kissed before and that she already knew how to do it and that I would make a fool out of myself. I was beginning to panic when she said the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me before, "I didn't really like Ethan so it doesn't count I guess. This is my first time getting flowers on Valentine's Day". Gretchen said that last sentence with a really nice smile on her face and I smiled back at her. She really knew just what to say and maybe she had seen the panic on my face even though I tried to hide it. Just as we were both smiling at each other, the lights in the theater went out and we could now barely see each other which was probably good because as soon as I realized the lights were going down there was a big look of relief on my face that I didn't want her to see.
Now that the movie was starting, I didn't have to think of things to talk about to hide my nervousness, but yet I felt even more nervous about the fact that I hadn't kissed her yet. I decided that I would just try to watch the movie and not think about it, but that didn't work. I kept looking over at Gretchen and thinking about what she said and I couldn't stop thinking about how much I liked her and how good she made me feel inside, which she does by just saying the few things that she says and by looking at me the way she does. Then all of a sudden my hand started moving for no reason and I reached out without thinking and grabbed her hand. She looked over and she moved to the side of the seat closest to me and she grabbed my hand and now was holding it with both of her hands and she leaned her head over and laid it on my shoulder. I couldn't believe how good I felt at that moment. I don't remember feeling that good ever before and even though the movie was really long it seemed to last about 45 minutes, and I couldn't really even say if it was good or not. We stayed all nestled together for more than half an hour until it seemed like she was getting uncomfortable so she sat up, but we still held hands for most of the movie until our hands became so sweaty that it was kind of slippery, so we let go.
After the movie, we sat on the bench waiting for Dad to pick us up and while we waited, we held hands again and I decided that now was as good a time as any since Dad's truck or her front porch didn't seem any better. So, I started by leaning against her and slowly tilted my head towards her cheek. I think she sensed what I was trying to do and if she hadn't turned her head too, i would've ended up kissing her eye so she tilted her head upwards and somehow magically we found our lips perfectly lined up and I moved in and did exactly what Cousin Bruce said and held it there for three seconds. What he didn't tell me was that it might be better if my lips were a little wet because hers were and mine weren't and they kind of stuck together which was a little embarrassing. Gretchen didn't seem to mind and once her wetness rubbed off on my lips it seemed a lot better. So, three seconds became more like ten and then Gretchen stopped and looked toward the parking lot and then at me and said "Isn't that your Dad's truck?" I looked and way over parked along the side near the grass was his truck. "Yeah. It is" I said and she started to smile and then she said "Its been over there for 10 minutes." and just as we were both looking at his truck a street light above it flickered on as day officially became night. Then the headlights came on and the truck started to slowly pull forward and as if he was hoping that we hadn't spotted him, he drove the long way around the lot and pulled up by the bench. Gretchen and I hopped in and Dad said, sounding a little embarrassed, "How was the movie?" "Really good" I said and we drove home.
Romance means "a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love" or it also means "wild exaggeration; picturesque falsehood ". I guess its how you look at it.

One week from today is Valentine's Day and this might be the first time I ever give someone chocolate or even a card. Gretchen only likes chocalate ice cream and not real chocolate for some reason so I hope I can find heart-shaped chocolate ice cream bars. I think that I will ask her to see a movie and to have lunch on Saturday in town. I hope "The Chronicles of Narnia" is playing because Gretchen said that she wants to see that. Tom and I saw "Big Mommas House 2" last weekend and thought it was funny, but Dad thought it was a little "corny".

At the movies, I got to talk with Jorge, who works at the movie theater. I asked him if he knew if he had any Mayan ancestors that I could talk to and he said that a lot of present-day Mexicans have connections to "indigenous" people which means they are native to the land that is now Mexico, but that they don't always know exactly which group their ancestors were apart of. After the Spanish invaded their regions, many Mayans were killed and the ones that survived eventually integrated with the new "Conquistadors" and their culture which was from Spain or moved and integrated with other tribes of people. So, Jorge mentioned that a lot of present day Mexicans or Mexican-Americans came from Aztecs, which was a very large empire that existed between the 14th and 16th centuries. Jorge also said that his family can be traced back to Aztec ancestors from the 17th century and that many of them fought the Spanish and then the Americans "to maintain their independence". Eventually, his family stayed and became American citizens in the mid 1940's and his grandfather fought for America in world war 2. I thought that was sort of strange since some of his older ancestors fought against the Americans and then his Grandfather fought for America in the 1940's. "I guess things change over time and that in the end you fight for your land, no matter who is making the laws" said Jorge , or something like that, I forgot to bring my notebook and instead I wrote it down on a napkin that got a little wrinkled in my pocket. I still didn't quite understand how that works but I guess its like that episode of "Malcolm in the Middle" where malcolm is fighting his brother, Reese until a bigger bully starts picking on Malcolm so Reese decides to beat up the bully even though he was just beating Malcolm up just minutes before. I suppose fighting for land is a lot like that and that people will always have to fight to keep their territory from people who want to take it. "It is all part of human survival" Dad said, "there are always going to be bullies who are greedy and try to take something that isn't theirs". "Why do they do that?" I said. Dad just looked off into space for awhile and then said finally "because they think they can get away with it." "Sometimes, it takes many different people who may not normally get along to join together to stop the bully before he takes everything". I then asked Dad why he said "he" and he said that usually bullies are men. "oh" I said and before I could ask why, Dad said "I don't know why...just the way it is." He seemed tired of me asking questions and Mr. Grady would say that when your interviewee is tired of questions you ask one more "wrap-up"question and then say thank you. "Dad. Are we greedy?" I asked, and Dad just looked like he was in pain, but took a deep breath and said "Maybe we are a little son, but we don't take anything that isn't ours to take". "No, I meant our country." i said. Now Dad looked really in pain and he just looked at me and said "I don't know son, maybe we are. Can we go home now?" and I shook my head yes.